I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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