new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
