Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
