So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
