Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
