Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
