I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
