Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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