I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
