The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think people are normalizing furries
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
