Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
