Define "chronic" masturbator.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my being single is dangerous.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
