Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
