He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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