i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
