Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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