the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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