I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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