he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
