What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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