I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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