took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just invented taco cereal.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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