Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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