I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
