so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
