my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
