so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
