He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
