I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
babies were throwing up all over the place
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
