Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
