I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
