we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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