i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
