Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
