No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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