TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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