There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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