Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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