Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
