At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
