your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize