remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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