make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
