I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He felt like a one man threesome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
