Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
