Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
