I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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