i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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