The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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