Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
