If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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