now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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