you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
