Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
