i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
