tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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