Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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