does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
