I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Acid is not a monday night drug
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
