As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
