i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
