My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
