I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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